currently playing i hate this song... it's making me cry.

hate isn't really the opposite of love. that would be indifference, a lack of emotion. hatred is still vehemently feeling something for something. i haven't the ability to capture it in words right now.

there aren't any coincidences, and i wonder what lovely trap's waiting for me by my coming across this song again, at this point in my life.

god really knows how to deal with me. he's not making me choose. he's not even laying out choices for me. he's making me look for the choices myself.

how rude! haha. that's so insane. how crazy is that? there's no logic to that at all. it could be equal to a one-sided affair too - what if i'm making all this up? what if there really aren't any choices involved... just fantasies, things i wish could come true, but can't, and all i'm doing to appease my hurt is to make things up?

major cryfest comin up in... 18 days. i'm not ready.

but i'm going to that cryfest so i can at least find out some of what i need to say goodbye to.

*sigh.* it should be fun. yfc's always made me laugh.


If You Want Me To
by Ginny Owens
from "Without Condition"

The pathway is broken
And the signs are unclear
And I don’t know the reason why you brought me here
But just because you love me the way that you do
I’m gonna walk through the valley
If you want me to

Chorus:
Causei’m not who I was
When I took my first step
And I’m clinging to the promise you’re not through with me yet
So if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will go through the fire
If you want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that’s not my home
But you never said it would be easy
You only said I’d never go alone

So when the whole world turns against me
And I’m all by myself
And I can’t hear you answer my cries for help
I’ll remember the suffering your love put you through
And I will go through the valley
If you want me to   ¶ 7/13/2004 03:49:00 AM