kewlie people got pix for... your blog
this one makes me look duling... cross-eyed... ahahahahaha
u.p.i.s. batch 1994
high school reunion decade no. 1
[ more pix - thanks monette and lawrence! ]
[ more pix - thanks preddey and monina! ]
i noticed that most grievances among my peers and i started with our first jobs - jobs with health insurance.* i looked at the forms i had to fill out, and bit my cheek - and the first things i wanted to spend that insurance on were my teeth.
ah, teething - still one of the healthy signs of growing up, onescore
years after our births.
most dentists will tell you to have your wisdom teeth pulled - even with their sturdyness and strength, they're ultimately useless, and will just crowd the back of your mouth. you'll just end up chewing the insides of your cheeks. the teeth will stretch your gums further and further back so your jaw looks wider and squarer than it really is.
when i was six adults told me those last eight teeth were called "wisdom" coz they pop out when you're old enough to be wise. in college, i forgave the lairs - i figure, they're dentists, so they prolly had surgery to have their bothersome teeth pulled. at the slightest bite of the insides of their cheeks, they squirm; they can't stand the idea of biting down and eating their own cells and tissue.
in college, right next to the dentists, were images of buddhist monks immolating themselves, photographers braving vietnam and the screams of a naked girl burning with napalm, a sea of african-american men for the million man march, a sea of protestant white men of the promise keepers, the pope's picture ripped to bits by a bald chanteuse with the angel voice, dotcom companies springing like mushrooms after a storm. nurses picketing in the winter cold for better pay. city public schools selling out to corporations that would mend leaky ceilings in exchange for their products in the cafeteria vending machines. haiti swallowed whole by the sea. missionary friends in manila, confused and frustrated by EDSA 2, "estrada paid these anarchists! there's a car burning in front of the center! trash is everywhere!"
i figure to those who had their furthest teeth pulled, wimps!
so for months i ate painkillers so i can finish college papers and send out resumes and eventually understand work assignments to complete them. that shaking sound trudging down the hallway? my bottle of tylenol inside my backpack.
eventually all eight teeth somehow made it out. took 'em five years, but they're out. the pain's gone, but i sometimes still bite my cheeks. i'm still thinking of having them pulled, and i have the sick leave for it - i'm told it's one whole month for both sides of your mouth. ah, time for me, even if i'm sick. i can catch up on loads of reading! yum. maybe next year.
* - "so our jobs aren't real if they don't have health insurance." ok, i changed it, all right. leave me alone.
the dubya psalm
ahahaha... oh, boy. here we go. after all, we should always start the week right, with a prayer. ...
Bush is my shepherd, I shall be in want.
He maketh me to lie down on park benches,
He leadeth me beside the still factories.
He restoreth my doubts about the Republican Party.
He leadeth me onto the paths of unemployment for His cronies' sake.
Yea, though no weapons of mass destruction have been found,
He maketh me continue to fear Evil.
His tax cuts for the rich and His deficit spending discomfort me.
He anointest me with never-ending debt.
Verily my days of savings and assets are kaput.
Surely poverty and hard living shall follow me all the days of His administration,
And my jobless child shall dwell in my basement forever.
arg. read this piece
on painter v.c. igarta by eileen tabios. it's frustrating! it's a magazine editor's nightmare to edit. is it a piece on the painter, or ms. tabios' lament on extending her appreciation of mr. igarta too late, or a piece on ms. tabios' regard for mr. igarta's paintings?!
it's all of those.
having set up her own publishing house
, ms. tabios has long earned the right to contribute to fil-am letters however which way she wishes. she isn't the first to write this way; tributes to fil-am artists are long overdue and oft-neglected. in fact, this essay is a stunning portrait of the lives of two artists acutely aware of their place in a foreign country:
|... Hanging on the wall in front of my computer is a portrait he painted of me. I look sideways rather than directly at the viewer — thus, did Igarta portray my tendency to arrive at what revelations I muster by taking the longest paths possible to those discoveries.
In my portrait, an abstract though humanoid figure floats behind my shoulder. Igarta said he painted the form "because it just surfaced as I painted; so I let it remain in the painting." But when I pressed him to identify the shape, Igarta relented and said, "It's your guardian angel."
I didn't tell Igarta at the time but will reveal it now: I believe Igarta's "guardian angel" is my poetry "muse." In painting my portrait, Igarta abstracted from my image into what I hope to be my essence — a spirit that I hope can be distilled by how I live my life into one word: Poet. [ Meditations on Ilokano Abstractions ]
fictional poet richard brown
said that he only wanted to write. but he jumped out the window anyways coz, he said, despite his best efforts, his works always come out to so much less. it's a fatalistic attitude shared by everyone who's ever tried anything creative. works always diminish or increase when rendered in a different medium -
take these blog entries, for instance. i always write them thinking of readers, watching, silent, critical. but my fiction teacher always picks on them, ahahaha. she always takes an entry and reads it aloud to the class. it feels like your words take wing and spray into air. they dissipate, dissolving to god-knows-where - i can't be too sure that my classmates are really listening.
because even i veer off into space if someone else's work is read. oh, richard wright and toni morrison have sucessfully held me in thrall. but who knows what the others are really
thinking - they rightfully laugh at my parrot story and have shook my unfinished yellow house to its foundations. but... my class is mild compared to the newsroom i lash myself in every afternoon, ahahahaha. ...
turkey for all
last year my mother harvested four turkeys from her three jobs. she set aside three - she cooked two, we ate one, gave away the other one, and gave away the third, frozen. i think we ate the fourth this year. heehee!
blogs to breathe in
What will it take for big media to blog effectively?
my knee-jerk answer would be MORE STAFF.
staff specifically assigned to web blog. staff trained same as regular staff, only they're assigned especially to the web sites rather than the paper or the broadcast report.
it's easy to see why papers would assign brand name staff to web blogs - no one would read someone nameless. everybody was webbloging already - it'd be more than great to see eric zorn
take up computer keyboard and monitor and start blogging like the rest of us.
right now it is a good thing that news organizations don't prioritize blogging - we need an informal and fluid arena to offset corporate media communication.
oh, yay: first snow today. the south and west suburbs are blanketed with at least three inches of it. purty pretty.
here in the city, it's beginning to pile up and cling to every crevice and surface now, too; a slushy type deposit that's more water than ice. hope it alllllllllll
melts so i won't hafta shovel it.
Virginia Woolf: [To her husband] Leonard, I believe I may have a first sentence.
[ more quotes
i finally saw this amazing movie
over the weekend. i can't wait till i start the book
. i've started 'mrs. dalloway
,' and keep letting interruptions distract me, so i can't finish it. virginia woolf
i don't know much about filmmaking, but some scenes look like film running after the performance of seasoned actors. meryl streep (clarrisa vaughn) and ed harris' (richard brown) first scene together mentioned 'that smile, the history behind it,' alluding to possibilities - which story of theirs need to be told, continued or concluded. their scenes play out like theater. richard brown is the movie's writer idealized, struggling to perfect craft and forever negotiating clearance from real life.
the movie wove smoothly between generations, as if time were nonexistent. like most expositions, the poet, the visionary, as woolf called him, dies. he dies, virginia tells leonard, so that we might learn how to value life more. if from a lesser character that statement would fall flat in the face of comedy.
in the end, virginia woolf falls prey to the character of prophet - for how else could writers suitably cast her? julianne moore's character, laura brown, reads her and gleans courage to do what she must. woolf haunts richard brown up until his dying moment.
yet writer michael cunningham
brings in a character that questions and possibly demolishes all of woolf's claims regarding life and relationships - julia vaughn, clarrisa vaughn's daughter. she has no father. she was conceived through a woman's choice to have her. she is young, single and educated. i haven't studied woolf. i've read only pieces of her. i wonder what woolf would have to say about her.
moi hotel room
i'm expecting just one more friend to share pictures of las vegas... and then i promise. i will try my damnest to not blog about that city anymore. at least not until the next batch of pictures. heehee!
i got an unbelievably awesome deal for my plane ticket to las vegas - the catch is that i'd need to fly in late friday night but stay a day after everyone else leaves on sunday. so i need to find a place to stay for my extra night in vegas.
trusty hotels.com got me a room for a mere $80. ohmigosh! it would have been $80 for each night, as opposed to almost $300 for hotels on the strip, had my friends and i stayed there! of course, someone else pointed that out to me when i was already there - i was only thinking of my selfish ass when i signed up for the room.
at that time, sitting at my desk at work trying to negotiate between hotels.com and a persistent assignment, i just wanted my computer to process my payment already so i can complete my assignments and complain on blogger that my credit card is getting a better workout than me.
i hella regretted my oversight, coz those who were able to stay behind and bring me to my room liked it a lot - 36th floor of the new york new york hotel, strategic start of the strip, the view of the strip laid out for all of us to drink in. we must have stood there a full minute gawking into the window glass before we realized what we were doing.
i asked everyone to stay one more night - it would be a lot more fun with. the couple had monday free, but they still needed to drive six hours back to los angeles. the one other in our party was scheduled back to work monday morning.
i didn't think much of sharing the room when i signed up for it, because at that time, i was trying not to think of what imma be doing on my own in a big city that does not sleep. looking back, boy, ahahaha - i didn't do much, actually, just stayed up taking pictures and trying out slots till, before i knew it, it was 5 a.m. and no, i am a good girl, i don't want to learn of other things i could do if again left to my own devices in las vegas
of all cities, ahahaha -
the next morning i woke up at 9 a.m., packed and checked out on time. HOLLA!!! ahahaha. i had the hotel keep my luggage so i can roam about the strip one last time. that,
my friends, was amazing. i hella had fun taking pictures, shopping and buying the $1 chip from every casino i entered. m&m, the coke store, margaritaville, mgm, the bellagio, monte carlo, caesar's palace, the flamingo, and the venetian hotels were amazing. the white lion exists - the mirage let visitors gawk at one of sigfreid and roy's pets. i didn't get to see the pirate show at treasure island, but i did purchase the balloon coffee cup at paris. i have my heart set on someday visiting the real venice. and before i knew it, i was late for my flight. ;-P
had fun out there. i can rationalize that i had fun out there, even without friends, coz the city rocked, but i rarely find a place un-fun, and that friends make a trip even more special, but... nah... ahahahaha -
british in rosemont
ok, yes. i realize it is 2:59 a.m. but i called the crowne plaza in rosemont anyways to make sure their address.
beep, beep! "thaynk you fur caulling the coawn plaza, hoaw may i assist you?"
trying to ignore the british accent, i went, "hello. i'm sorry, i'm trying to reach the crown plaza in rosemont?"
"aull raight, let me get you the numberh," the polite lady on the other line said. it is a hopping office around her, i can hear typing, clicking, negotiating and chatting in the background.
i need to know the right address because friends are staying over there, and their conference ends tomorrow at noon. it might be easier to meet them there and then decide what to do for the rest of their stay.
she gave me the number, which is exactly what i dialed. the rosemont desk must be closed at this hour. duh - but paranoid me just had to check.
"thank you." and then, on a whim, "i'm sorry, but i couldn't help but notice your accent." and then i hesitated, coz i didn't want to offend her, "have i reached a call center?"
"well, the front desk auver at rosemont seems to be claused now, you've reached aour offices in london. it's nearly 9 a.m. aour time over here, so we're open ahnd able to aunswer your caulls from over there," the unnerved, polite lady said.
cool. i stumbled on a money-saving company technique - phone rerouting. no one'd know about this if they called during the day.
but oh my gosh. whether or not she knew about call centers, she's so polite. an american would never have taken responsibility for anything that his or her company's done to make life easier for their clients. ok, maybe they would. sometimes.
and her accent was gorgeous! ahahahaha. it's so quick and light. i should have asked her right then and there if she had an address to the rosemont hotel. hmm. should i call again? hehe -
been looking at other peoples' vegas pix. been laughing at the computer for the past half hour now. ;-D
what's the purpose of pixes like this?
to inspire envy.
more photos ahahaha
at our hotel room in las vegas. the original caption goes, "talaga, pia?" AHAHAHAHAHA..........
i've been moving into my room for the past 9 years.
everything is still on the floor, in boxes or in milk crates. yes, milk crates
, the plastic square kind. hey, those are kewlie. :pleased:
i bought 5 for $7 each at container store
last summer, and then learned that it isn't true that you'll go to jail if you just pick one up off the streets, in back of cafes, or anywhere. booie. oh wells.
anyways, everything is on the floor or in milk crates. so i moved into my own room again when i moved a 6-drawer clothes chest in there, in pieces. ikea, of course. can't afford to go anywhere else, ahahaha, and why should i. i'm not my mother, who deserves every victorian thing she owns. but my 6-drawer chest? holy mama. the thing is hella heavy. there is no room in my room to assemble it, so it'll be adventure weekend for me again.
a mad widower in california
refused to stop building her house for fear that her dead husband will finally settle on her reality. she contracted workers to keep building 24 hours for decades. her house grew seven stories with gables and towers, doors that open from the floor and stairs leading nowhere, but she says it isn't done yet. one day, she died in her sleep. the workers thankfully left the house in peace.
i wonder if i'm becoming that kind of freak.
but yes. stranger things have occured. like big name airlines going bankrupt. flying back from las vegas yesterday morning was a nightmare - it felt like i was riding a slow roller coaster. i wanted to get off the plane so bad. we hit some turbulence that seemed normal at first, even the flight attendants started serving drinks.
and then the plane sharply banked forward and lower. the first officer ordered the flight attendants be seated, and the rocking went on for the next half hour. it's one of those i-want-out-of-my-body-NOW-but-i-can't-so-life-is-hell moments.
the funny thing's that we were watching "the notebook
" when the first officer decided, just at the perfect moment when noah and allie laid down in the middle of the street and looked up the night sky and shared their deepest thoughts, to explain that they didn't expect that much turbulence over denver, colorado and the rocky mountains and that we were the only aircraft in the area at this time.
i was seated with two other girls, they were friends. in front of us was a couple. i thought of cell phones and the last calls of terror attack victims from their planes. at that hour, though, terrorists were as improbable as harlequins greeting you from outside your aircraft window; we were no longer in las vegas. somehow the idea of a plane crash with me in it is unthinkable, the way oil never breaks over water.
normal viewing sound between noah and allie commenced after the first officer gave his excuses. i wanted to land. they soldiered on. i'm stuck with united coz of milage and credit history. before switching off everything and returning to "the notebook," mundanely i wondered if any of these passengers in this full flight will fly united ever again.
a&f settles suit
Abercrombie & Fitch to pay to settle suit
By Paul Chavez
Associated Press Writer
Posted, Seattle Post-Intelligencer
Tuesday, Nov. 16, 2004
LOS ANGELES -- Abercrombie & Fitch Co. has agreed to pay $40 million to black, Hispanic and Asian employees and job applicants to settle a class-action federal discrimination lawsuit that accused the clothing retailer of promoting whites at the expense of minorities, lawyers said Tuesday.
The settlement, approved Tuesday morning by U.S. District Court Judge Susan Illston, requires the company to adhere to a consent decree that calls for the implementation of new policies and programs to promote diversity and prevent discrimination in its workforce. Abercrombie & Fitch also must pay about $10 million to monitor compliance and cover attorneys' fees, although the agreement contains no admission of wrongdoing by the company.
"We have, and always have had, no tolerance for discrimination. We decided to settle this suit because we felt that a long, drawn out dispute would have been harmful to the company and distracting to management," chairman and CEO Mike Jeffries said in a statement Tuesday.
while it is true that a&f
seems to discriminate, the people who work at the a&f store i sometimes visit seem to hold down a physically and psychologically balanced staff. like most young people clothing stores, the place feels like a club, ahahaha. the salesclerks are kids like you, so you have to tell them what you need - "do you have this in khaki?" "in 12?" "can you please reach for that?" "can i try this on?"
yay for the cali kids who filed this suit! i don't know their story, only that the suit has been filed and settled by the company. it sounds like a bunch of managers at some cali stores who ill treated the five plaintiffs who held the news conference. it went all the way to the top coz race is a crazy touchy issue around here - it's ridiculous that it's even an issue, and at los angeles, california
but yes. stranger things have occured.
iba yung lasa ng tubig sa las vegas.
parang matamis na puno ng minerals na hindi rin. parang thicker. parang may amoy. siguro kasi galing sa colorado river yung supply nila, tubig-tabang na malapit na sa pacific na reyna ng tubig-alat, tubig-tabang galing sa lalim ng mga nakapaligid na bundok.
iba yung tubig banda dito sa gitna ng bansa. walang lasa. minsan lasang pilak. makintab tulad ng pilak. hangga't maari, hinding-hindi akong iinom ng tubig galing sa gripo, napilitan lang ako sa las vegas. saan kang nakadinig na magbayad ng $5 para sa tubig? syempre, sa lahat ng maperahang lugar. di lang sa las vegas.
siguro nanibago lang ako. mwahahahaha!
i got back safe and sound! :-) grabe, i've only been gone for a weekend, and it feels like a million years!!! ahahahaha. ...
we stayed at emerald suites tropicana, five minutes from the strip. there were four singles of us in the room, and i even got yelled at for falling asleep on the couch. that's where the lone brother in our group was going to sleep, ahahaha. i hella hate being misunderstood, and for his tone of voice, i didn't bother to explain. i got overly curious for the smirnoff - damn, that stuff's strong. no one was speaking in complete sentences anymore. i got up, changed and brushed my teeth.
but even without the booze, i liked las vegas - i needed at least one more day to completely scout the strip and get tired of the place. i was able to mix the absurd with the improbable, ahaha - a monet exhibit at the bellagio and the beautiful imitation venice casino resort, where american gondola opera singers serenade regular overweight people like me. all we did was walk the length of the artificial river, ahahaha.
the casino shopping areas were the over-the-top, designer clothed, understated elegance that reminded me of houses of rich pop stars. it was embarrasing and exhilerating at the same time - i knew it wasn't reality, and yet there it was, deep in the heart of monte carlo, the bellagio, paris and all other hotels. "i wonder if these stores ever make money. can anyone even find these stores?" one of our friends mused out loud.
we finally reached the starting point of the gondola ride. it was a nondescript ticket booth counter, with dividers to make sure people fall in line. the lights shone on light blue painted ceiling, making us think it's bright daylight outside at 10 p.m. classical marble statues, greek columns and fountains taunted us.
it was great to be able to pretend for a while, ahaha. it was good that it didn't last.
memory from the back of my mind
when i went to los angeles for a youth group conference, people from all races represented. i don't think anyone felt isolated at all.
i remember attending the same type conference in 2001, july of that year. it was in dallas. i can see why people like it there - the heat is dry heat, not humid, and i was spared the headaches some people say they got coz of the heat. the locals were hospitable and the university of texas at dallas campus easy to navigate. but it was hot enough that chocolate left forgotten in car trunks melted.
we were walking from the cafeteria to the conference venue when we heard a strange sound coming from behind us. "pssst!"
i stopped chatting midsentence and went out loud, "what's that?"
my friend and i started chatting again, thinking it came from somewhere else.
"pssssssssssssssssssssssssst!" and then some laughing.
"what's that?" i finally said, irritated. i looked back and saw a group of our friends from seattle walking further, slower behind a group of caucasian girls walking behind us. they seattlites seemed to assess the situation. the girls laughed hysterically and walked faster to pass us.
"cleveland," i said, and some of them immediately shut up, while my friend said, "hey! how are you! good bye!"
cleveland is the one city with a branch of our youth group that's all white, their entire membership at that time were caucasian. it was a group that leaders singled out one time during the seattle conference in 2000 - they were singled out because the leaders wanted to point out to everyone how important their presence was to the youth group.
the youth group wants non-filipinos. they're a group touting christianity, particularly the catholic kind - an idea that, in a perfect world, includes everyone. if you saw it clearly, i was taught once, there's no way it could possibly exclude anyone, or make them feel excluded.
ah, but the world may be perfect, the ideas may be flawless, but the people who're charged with living them sure aren't. in an effort to give the community a chance, this past summer i roadtripped with the older group - 16 hours in a van from chicago to new jersey. we haven't yet left indiana when i snapped at the driver, who's also supposed to be one of the higher-ups, "you know, you have really good ideas. but they're totally not for me, so you'd better just stay away."
kinna frustrating that the first psssts from those white girls all goes full circle with this leader, who's also caucasian. i refuse to visit canada right now because i don't feel comfortable around my cousin's caucasian husband. the only place i really feel comfortable hanging out with "other" people's my office!
i'm beginning to think that much still has yet to be done with the race relations with not just filipinos, but the "others" that we encounter as well. i'm sure joining an all-filipino faith community sets off warning bells of all incomprehensible sorts in their head as well, from time to time.
i can just hear friends go, "oh, baby. it is hella about time you woke up. welcome to humanity."
then again, i've also heard it said before that if your faith really did matter, the way you see color won't.
supe: go on the northwestern web site and get me the score for the depauw game.
supe (2 seconds later): did you get it?
ulanmaya: dorthwesterd 59, depauw 48.
supe: great. will you do the score for me?
supe (2 seconds later): what is it?
ulanmaya: scores whod
supe: thanks. now go home and get better, will you?
supe (2 seconds later): what's that marine's name again?
ulanmaya: peted giadowpolus (peter giannopoulos)
supe: oh, right. now go home.
two separate worlds
listening right now to sarah mclachlan's "world on fire
." a dj on 101.9 tipped us all off that we should go online and watch her video of this song. i was really touched by the video's simplicity.
i was able to go to world youth day 2002 in toronto
, and all participants are required to attend one social justice workshop. my sister and i chose one by development and peace
, which at that time advocated against companies who manufacture bioengineered food (rice and corn were big then) to sell to developing - poor - countries.
d&p wanted rather that the companies fly to poor nations, learn their agricultural habits and ways, so they can add to their own ways, instead of bringing to them an unfamiliar, new technology. d&p at that time said that some countries won't take bioengineered food coz of religious and other ethical beliefs, and that needs to be recognized and respected. d&p had us sign cards and petitions to lobby government officials for the funds to send researchers to those nations, who then will hopefully liaison between the company and developing nation.
a liason between a developed and developing world would have to have a heart of steel. that person will have to live with the knowledge that a poor nation somehow keeps the rich nation rich.
knowing that there are myriads other souls who know that fact gives me assurance. if they
can live with that, then i should be able to, even at great effort. mclachlan's video is a simplification of what regular people like me can do to somehow tip the balance in favor of the poor nation.
i googled "world on fire" and found this review of a book with the same title.
author amy chua states that globalization and democracy themselves aren't detrimental to the nations they are offered to; it is the speed at which they are implemented that will cause those nations to tumble and fall. salon.com reviewer michelle goldberg then offers her own whittling of the entire book:
"Of course, it's not terribly likely that her recommendations are going to be implemented in most places anytime soon. In the end, "World On Fire" is valuable less for its prescriptions than for the perspective it offers on the seemingly incomprehensible violence shaking the world. With the fall of communism and the emergence of al-Qaida, it's no longer fashionable to see ethnic conflict in materialist terms -- the new battles are framed as a clash of civilizations rather than a scramble for resources. It's a scarier opposition, because it's so intractably defiant of reason. "World on Fire" suggests these conflicts might not be so primordial and irrational after all. It might be cold comfort to realize how atavistic enmities abroad have been inflamed by our own government's policies, but at least these policies can, ultimately, still be changed." [ more
the book is written with the point of view of the united states in mind. i think it's still worth a peep.
ate a bullet. along california highway 17.
she's a mother of a 2-year-old and used to work for AP. she left daily journalism so she can have time to write things she wanted to write about.
she published three books: "Rape of Nanking", "Thread of the Silkworm", and "The Chinese in America."
died as well. at a french hospital, where he was getting treatment.
who's going to lead palestine now?
the PLO had better elect a successor soon,
before the cause gets dissolved. i hope this will give peace talks a fresh start.
I shouldn't have flung my
heart so readily to the world
but its sadness begged me
~ "i'm still warm," oscar penaranda
wow... i'm sure she - the world - asked for manong penaranda. she extended her hand out to me, too, but when she saw i was nothing but a wisecracking, laughing little girl, she stepped back and went, "whoa. umm. i'll get back to you."
there's a time to rant and a time to shaddap. ahahahahahaha! for me, shaddup time is here. i gotta read, read! i've already wasted so much time blogging about... coffee and cheetos. :wry:
angelito and roberto
so many thoughts in my head now.
u.n. diplomat angelito nayan and accountant roberto tarongoy are held captive by militants. nayan is held by a taliban-linked group and tarongoy held hostage in iraq. u.s. officials say philippine officials should negotiate for the release of the two on their own. maybe philippine officials do have a chance because those who took them might sympathize that the philippines isn't part of the G7 or the G8 - it's another developing country same as theirs.
nayan and tarongoy were taken because they were linked to powers that subjugate afghanistan and iraq - not because they were filipino.
how come u.s. officials can't see that? or... or... could it be that u.s. officials just won't? that they're still smarting over angelo? hmm!
can we get any smaller-minded than that?
so many thoughts in my head right now.
i'm also waiting for my copy of "the forbidden book." i'm not sure how this book will affect me, but it reminds me of a lecture on the pacific end of world war 2 that my history professor gave several years ago.
one of the things that stuck in my mind is how several dozens of u.s. soldiers died just trying to take a small island near australia. the island was a stepping stone to get to australia, the philippines, with the goal of eventually taking japan. somehow macarthur and his troop managed to skirt australia and land in the philippines. in between war steps my prof switched back to what was being decided in washington d.c. he mentioned president madison and the manifest destiny. people in my class were yawning, and i was too distracted to follow - a caucasian professor knew something about the philippines' world war 2 experience! they knew about it here! prof. pitt is too young to have had a say in things then. but they knew! if a lot more people understood it the same way he did, would things have changed in the philippines?
seeing peoples' eyes glaze over, pitt had us write 5-page paper parroting back everything he said - all 50 minutes of it, and into just 5 pages. i groaned. i still groan now. i want to remember what was taught to me in high school. it'd make this blog entry clearer. world history in the 10th grade was eurocentric. anything with asia and the philippines then, and until now, is always new and fresh to me.
Peace?... - Arundhati Roy
Nov. 7, 2004. Sydney Peace Prize acceptance speech
Today, it is not merely justice itself, but the idea of justice that is under attack. The assault on vulnerable, fragile sections of society is at once so complete, so cruel and so clever - all encompassing and yet specifically targeted, blatantly brutal and yet unbelievably insidious - that its sheer audacity has eroded our definition of justice. It has forced us to lower our sights, and curtail our expectations. Even among the well-intentioned, the expansive, magnificent concept of justice is gradually being substituted with the reduced, far more fragile discourse of 'human rights'.
If you think about it, this is an alarming shift of paradigm. The difference is that notions of equality, of parity have been pried loose and eased out of the equation. It's a process of attrition. Almost unconsciously, we begin to think of justice for the rich and human rights for the poor. Justice for the corporate world, human rights for its victims. Justice for Americans, human rights for Afghans and Iraqis. Justice for the Indian upper castes, human rights for Dalits and Adivasis (if that.) Justice for white Australians, human rights for Aboriginals and immigrants (most times, not even that.) [ read the whole speech
Salon.com: Winds, Rivers & Rain
brains and a heart
emergeance vs. emergence
AHAHAHAHA... i had five other writers, one friend and two editors read the article... and NO ONE noticed the most glaring error -
i texted a friend, "my article's finally posted online. asiansinamerica.org, click on magazine. title is 'emergeance' - quick! while the title's still misspelled! ahahahaha - "
oh phoey. i shoulda noticed it too. ..........
I'm Still Warm - Oscar Penaranda
Maybe I shouldn't have done it
but I wanted to see it happen
I shouldn't have written
that song for the dove
but I wanted to see it fly
wanted to hear it
I shouldn't have flung my
heart so readily to the world
but its sadness begged me
(for the world tells the truth
when it is sure there is a listener
and that is only to make
that you will believe it the next time
it tells a lie)
Yet I am not bitter, I'm still warm, I still blush
I am yet another who's had
a lover's quarrel
with the world and planted a rose
the cactus grows, that's all
- Oscar Penaranda, excerpted from "Screaming Monkeys: Critiques of Asian American Images
by Paolo Javier
Emergeance: Stories by Filipino and Filipino-American Authors
it's published, it's published! yaaaaaaaaaaaaay!
Malcolm Peck skipped ahead in the book to the chapters that held his interest the best.
"I skipped ahead - even though I wasn't supposed to do that - to the chapters where when she was living in Washington several years after the War, and she astonishingly meets the man who orders her torture, who is a Japanese citizen visiting the U.S. He visits her at her home, but does not recognize her. At dinner, he asked her what she did during the War, and she looked at him straight in the eye and said, 'I was a prisoner and you tortured me,'" recalled Peck.
He is reading "The Price of Freedom: The Story of a Courageous Manila Journalist" (Trinity Rivers Publications, 2003), by Mamerta de Los Reyes Block, a former World War 2 courier smuggling information between American and Filipino soldiers fighting the Japanese in the Philippines.
"The man abased himself in front of her and asked for her forgiveness, and she said something along the lines of 'If you want to be forgiven, you should be a Christian,' or that he should dedicate himself to good things. I read that part hastily, but I think he converted to Christianity and they've been friends from then on," Peck continued.
Block, 92, wrote she was pregnant when she was tortured. After the abuse, she was left for dead in a wagon and found by a nurse carefully looking through the dead bodies. Several decades later, with some assistance, she proudly climbed the stairs to the stage where CNN's "Crossfire" is filmed, and pointed to her son. "Here he is now," she said.
After the war, Block was instrumental in rallying votes for women and providing a center for people of color in then-segregated Washington D.C.
Hers is one of the stories told during "Heritage 2: Salute to Filipino and Filipino-American Authors," a gathering of emerging writers held Oct. 15 and 16 at the Philippine Embassy in Washington D.C. and George Washington University. [ more
Participating authors and their latest works
Gina Apostol, author, "Bibliolepsy"
Nick Carbo, editor, "Pinoy Poetics"
Mamerta de Los Reyes Block, author, "The Price of Freedom: The Story of a Courageous Manila Journalist"
Marilyn Donato, cookbook, "Philippine Cooking in America"
Rod Garcia, author, "The Right Place and Other Stories"
Almira Astudillo Gilles, author, "Willie Wins"
Reme-Antonia Grefalda, editor, "Our Own Voice: Filipinos in the Diaspora"
Luisa Igloria, editor, "Not Home, But Here"
Paolo Javier, author, "The Time at the End of this Writing"
Gad S. Lim, contributor, "Intsik: An anthology of Chinese Filipino Writing"
Glenn Sevilla Mas, playwright, "In the Dark"
Linda Nietes, bookseller, Philippine Expressions
Wilfrido Nolledo, author, "But for the Lovers," "Cadena de Amor and Other Stories"
Melissa Nolledo Christoffels for Wilfrido Nolledo, "But for the Lovers," "Cadena de Amor and Other Stories"
Jon Pineda, poet, "Birthmark"
Bino Realuyo, author, "The Umbrella Country," "The NuyorAsian Anthology"
Timoteo Saguinsin, author, "Buhay sa Angono" ("Life in Angono")
Lara Saguisag, author, "Tonyo's Wishes," "There's a Duwende in my Brother's Soup!"
Quirico Samonte, author, "At the Table with the Family"
Marcie Santos-Taylor, author, "Missing Mangoes"
Ricco Siasoco, contributor, "Screaming Monkeys: Critiques of Asian American Images"
Kalifa Sobrino Bonnivier, author, "Autobiography of a Stranger"
Lara Stapleton, author, "The Lowest Blue Flame Before Nothing"
Natasha Vizcarra, author, "Ang Itim na Kuting" ("The Black Kitten")
wish i had this type problems all the time - i have story ideas bouncing off the walls and striking me from everywhere.
i've just completed two extensive articles for one of my freelance gigs. my editor says he can't publish one of them coz we've already had 2 filipino-type events for october (coz that was filipino-american heritage month), and we can't have a third.
we'd saturate the magazine with filipino stuff, inviting the ire and wrath of other asian groups. we don't want the whole biggest continent in the planet coming down on us.
so even as i totally understand his reasons, i still persisted! i wrote the article especially for that magazine. my editor tried to be diplomatic, saying submit it elsewhere, and i did, to a newspaper here in chicago (who wants it less feature-y), and to an artsy online magazine.
since i know the chicago paper editor, i heard from him first. fat chance i'd hear from the artsy, new york-based magazine. i was hella lucky to have been noticed by the first magazine, ahaha. but i feel like a traitor!!! for submitting to the artsy mag coz the artsy mag and my editor are friends!!!
so i'm not expecting to hear from the artsy mag. i confessed everything to them, that i know my editor knows you guys and this is who i am but all my profiles are in dire need of a facelift, blah blah... yanno.
anyways. magazine editor said he'll publish it later this month. (he said.
now all he needs is to do.)
i did my rewrite, now i'm waiting for newspaper editor to respond. now i have two versions of this one article floating in a couple editors' mailboxes, waiting for their bolo
and machete and the green destiny. meanwhile, i've a couple more articles lined up.
i should enjoy this spate; it don't happen at all.
maybe coz it's an election year and the stories suddenly have become so glaringly obvious. i definitely don't want anyone else touching these story ideas. leave my story ideas alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they fell on my lap. you just wait, them story ideas will come like gnats in the cold autumn twilight. i went to the chicago botanic gardens today, took pictures and took to heart the short season that is autumn. it is harvest time!
a time to reap... and a time to nap. ok. i've been working since 1 a.m. tonight. good night! :-)
viva la bande de garage
a couple awesome videoes lately:
what a hella girlie song. AHAHAHAHA! she and avril lavigne
, co-writer, and chantal kreviazuk
i was expecting butterflies and whisps of shimmering organza flying around to seabreeze and fake fans, but instead, i got me a rocking plane seat struggling through turbulence and a fearsome kelly trying to watch "the princess diaries 2."
one line i remember from that movie: "i have my own mall." AHAHAHAHA! hell no, i haven't seen the flick yet.
and then she finally gets her moment in the sun - or the full moon. she watched "princess diaries" in the theater... and then sings to friends and strangers in her back yard. the video's perfect - shows you the tremulous quality of being alert at your pinnacle that there's always infinitely more to reach for.
the other lately inspiring video's sarah mclachlan's "world on fire."
the video is online. more on this some other time. :-)
ahahaha... title of a nick bantoc
book. those books sell for $5 new
at a university of chicago co-op bookstore
. his books are gorgeous.
i'm still remembering that dinner at union street public house in alexandria
. i totally love the place. i wish we could have stayed longer. there is never a good time to visit people, but then again, if i hadn't gone, there won't ever be a time to go.
i miss DC, mainly coz i was able to navigate the place all on my own. the city is tiny - from off the plane up until massachusettes avenue in downtown, i was still seeing fellow plane passengers. a friend who lived in DC actually recognized me as i emerged from the subway and called my name. so crazy.
uy... i figured i'd beat y'alls to it. ...
one last journey
i am leaving on a plane... again!
this has been an insane six months for me, but i've been preparing for this since 2002. i knew that whatever job takes me after graduation will have to suffer me through 2004 because this year is a pivotal year for me.
and i'm so glad it's almost over!!!
well, not really, ahahaha. it's just that i spent almost $80 on a hotel room just now, and i'm getting tired of giving my credit card a workout. i still have savings, but mama! hello.
as if i have that much to spend to begin with!
but i'm going to miss this mobility. i can't ask for a better 2004. i'm going to enjoy my december. i need to just sit down, organize, document, and look back on the damage i inflicted that is 2004.
i mark my first 10 years in the u.s. in 2004.
my family and i mark 10 years since our dad passed away in 2004.
i mark the first decade since i graduate from high school in 2004.
it's been 10 years since i got involved with a high-end, filipino-majority, faith-based organization, fully responsible for turning me into the fearless monster that i am. AHAHAHA!
i want to make my calendar dates matter, so at least i know what i did during that first lost decade. i'm so grateful that, to me at least, i was based in one city for that entire decade. for some, that sounds like prison, but in these times where you gotta go to where the jobs are, i think it's remarkable that i got to stay in one city with my family and form the kind of friends i want around here. there wasn't a moment's time lost in that decade, coz i knew i lived every moment of it thinking it were my last. i thought that way because i always knew i'd return to quezon city somehow,
so while i'm out here, i gotta live it up.
i still have debt up the wazoo, ahaha, but this time i have a way of paying back every cent, and then some.
i still have graduate school to consider. i gotta get out of chicago for that - it'd be folly to limit myself to one u.s. city if i have the chance to experience another.
i still have europe to venture.
this last trip promises to be insane, busy waaaay up the ante. it's with high school friends. it's with their kids and their spouses and their significant others. we're all stuck silly in this one resort-type place, with a day trip to colorado, so i think imma pack my sleeping bag just in case. it's going to be... in las vegas.
HOLLA!!! ahahahahaha... i am so excited. we don't leave till next friday.
These Filipino-foreigners to whom we impose our culture and our identity should make the first claim of having Filipino origins. After all, it is not they that require attention; it is we who are hungry for positive world acknowledgment and praise.
i wonder if he realizes that most of the time filipinos in america, those who've been born and raised here, think that they're imposing themselvs on their parents' culture if they do this? that they don't want to look like idiots for reaching out to a culture they know might very well reject them anyways.
ionno. one of my friends (one year out of the philippines with intentions of returning) complained about that, that out here, you hafta plan everything way in advance - for example, you call people tuesday to make sure they can come out to a saturday event; better, you plan that saturday already to make sure people commit to coming back the saturday next.
my friend thinks that's way too formal for things between friends,
and went, "tigilan mo nga ako!"
it reminds me of the western psychological theory of "the individual bubble," where out here in the u.s. individuals' notion of personal space extends at least a meter from the body. that if you step closer to someone within that meter, you want a closer type relationship, like maybe actually become better acquainted if you're classmates. if you already spend a lot of time together and start hitting and tapping each other, you wanna go further... ahaha. tama nga naman,
coz out here, no matter what your relationship, people already call each other by first name and rarely physically touch each other.
my argument against the planning thing way in advance is that you only have a certain amount of time and aside from friends you hafta balance school and work and other circles of friends, and you have to have time online and time to yourself and blah blah... resulting in friends going, "whatever!"
. it's a comparison map between the 2000 and 2004 elections. with just the terror attacks to consider, you would think that some difference would have been made. oh, my bad. there was some
difference - new hampshire.
senate, house and governorship. where's the semblance of fairness in that?! come on.
i woke up today wanting to wear black, a heavy blanket of impending doom descending on me. kerry's thanks
was heartfelt, his voice even slightly broke. i really hope the president was sincere about his monologue
of peace and goodwill toward all human beings. ...
ya, i voted. but wait! ...
ya, i voted. but wait! i've a story 2 tell. the seabest i frequent is morphing into a starbucks! i am sipping an oreo concoction -
oopsie. these truncated posts i sent to blogspot from my cell phone yesterday around noon, election day. a lot of people let off steam in their blogs yesterday and today, ahaha. systems were busy and couldn't keep up. but better slow than never at all. ...
how clear the global mess we've made
i take comfort in the fact that many wonderful people in my office are also tucked safely far away from the office
in the comfort of their houses, watching the races from their family 'puters and tubes. AHAHA!
ohio is holding up the country with her 20 electoral votes... oh, who did i vote for?
suffice it to say that i made my decision based on what i know to be true and good for the majority.
i voted twice. i mean, the first ballot i cast i overvoted - i punched six instead of only three chads for a local judicial branch. so i asked for another ballot and went back to the booth to start punching again. the second time around gave me a chance to reconsider my votes for highest national office.
for state office, senate and house were easy. only one person ran for my senate region (democrat iris martinez) and i thought the incumbent congressman is one tireless soul fully grounded in reality (democrat luis gutierrez).
for national office, i've always been curious about barack obama since the primaries - i think he followed rod blagojevich's spunk for going against all the ryans in the state with his funny name. and then his opponents seemed to drop like flies one after another around him - blair hull allegedly hit his wife, jack ryan abused his, jim oberweis was ignored, and alan keyes was too combative. (even keyes' staff knew he was going to loose! ahaha: "no, you don't need special credentials. no, you don't need to call in early. just come show up. ya. thanks.") and then he swept 'em all away with his hopeful speech at the democratic national convention.
so when i voted for him, i considered the candidate who asked him to give that speech at the dems' convention. obama wasn't that hot nationally then, so he who asked him to give that speech showed a good judgement of character. he put up a good fight during the debates. he probably really did take the time to talk to families of military personnel.
the problem with kerry is that even on the campaign trail, even up at the dems' convention podium, even while debating dubya bush, i didn't see any solid stand on any of the issues raised. at least, it wasn't solid enough for me to recognize the proposal as doable. i think i'm just really slow.
4:50 a.m. - CNN projects that president bush takes ohio. the state is shaded red for republican all over. he leads 51 percent over kerry's 49.
maybe it was coz i was forced to monitor the incumbent more times than i'm willing. i'm surrounded by democrats - among local friends, both my siblings, every acquaintance lately's been democrat; my workplace is traditionally democrat, my city and state are traditionally democrat.
but i also thought of what the president's done since ascending office in 2000, how he waited for results as al gore sorta seemed to panic campaign while accomplishing his final tasks as outgoing vice president; what happened in 2001 and how i changed since then; the decisions i made since 2001 and my myriad plans holding me in thrall. i thought of the things i disagreed with among republican friends. i thought of how the u.s. has changed and affected the world since the terror attacks and how clear the global mess we've made - so clear that it makes disagreeing and finding new solutions somewhat easier.
i voted for president bush.
way too close to call
ask me why i'm awake and online at 3:37 a.m. central standard time. i don't know.
ohio is now keeping the country from knowing who its next president will be. same deal the way florida did four years ago. wisconsin and new mexico aren't done counting yet, either.
in just three hours since 12:30 p.m., democrat john kerry managed to gain on the president by winning several key states' electoral votes
. the landslide started when CNN projected kerry will win new hampshire, a northeast state that also almost always voted democrat.
oh my god. i just looked at the tribune
's latest results, and kerry wins wisconsin!
it is down to iowa, ohio and new mexico.
the trib gets their results from AP. that's my office right there, calling the shots.
damn it. i left the office early coz one of our key reporters left early as well. i was like, if she can leave, i can too! woopee. i'm sleep-deprived anyways. i shoulda just stayed put.
as of now, at 3:57 a.m., CNN won't call new mexico and ohio, they say it's too close to call. they're also patiently waiting for wisconsin and iowa's results.
4:10 a.m. - CNN called kerry for wisconsin. AHAHAHA!
for every state, either kerry or bush won the popular votes only by a hair - 2 percent or one percent. that's crazy. that's such a repeat of four years ago.
but what matters are the electoral votes - each state gets a number of electoral votes depending on their population. sparsely-populated states like montana and alaska automatically get three votes. illinois has 21 votes, california 55, new york 31 and texas 34. a candidate needs 270 electoral votes to win the presidency; as of 4:12 a.m., bush leads a mere 2 electoral votes; 254 to 252.
if this results in a tie, votes will go to the house and senate.
if they tie there, the supreme court gets to decide. the fate of the most powerful man on the face of the planet rests in the hands of nine judges. hopefully my tiny say in the whole process will help them decide wisely.
i never voted in 2000; i was a mere slip of a college graduate then blissfully unaware that the world existed beyond my little cubicle at work and my messy room at home. *big empty smile*
earlier today after casting our votes at independence library, clutching a little "i voted!" souvenier piece of paper, i wondered if i just cost an army soldier his left hand. my sister chatted away that she banked on the judges. "oh, come on.
who looses sleep over this?"
yups... barack obama wins the u.s. senate seat and kerry/edwards take illinois' 21 electoral votes
strange-looking office cookie deserves to be given a chance. it is, after all, just a cookie, marbled with what seems like melted chocolate chip nuggets in dark-colored dough.
the polling place assigned us was the same library i ran to within a week of moving to the united states, ten years ago. my mother and i had just fought, and i wanted out of there. my siblings were just coming back to the house and bumped into me on their way in. they laughed that at 7 p.m. and dark outside, i had sunglasses on.
independence library had since moved from ridgeway and irving park to central park and irving park. i walked the two blocks from our house to the library and considered my options.
last night i was editing editorials that endorsed president bush. over the weekend i hopped on kerry's site for a second look at ads. i saw michael moore's films. i watched eminem have a change of heart. i got calls from immigrant groups asking for volunteers. i heard complaints about the country needing new leadership. "i don't think the country's conservative ways are good for the country," my sister said.
more on this later. for now, suffice it to say that i made my decision based on what i know to be true and good for the majority.
it is eerily calm tonight. it's making me nervous. i should ease up on the coffee, but i know with a long night last night and an early start this morning, i won't be alert. i'm jumping at every phone call and doorbell and announcement around here. arg.
a reporter's mother stopped by the office so her daugher can take a look at her grandson for a moment. i guess people just really like to see what our office is like. a couple weeks ago we had this whole class of journalism students from some southern illinois school watch us work. it was a little unnerving. we ignored them the best we could, but they still had questions. arg. the news editor, poor soul, played catch up and interpreter. when the photo editor explained to them just what they do, i was like, "shouldn't it be common sense to them?" i've forgotten how things were like before i worked here.
no more wireless posts. boo.
ya, i voted. but wait! i've a story 2 tell. the seabest i frequent is morphing
into a starbucks! i am sipping an oreo concoction -
the last i may drink in this warm maroon place. 'lovesong' the short memory
type is playing, n 4 once the music is awesome. boo -
ridiculous 'boutique apts' rise south this cafe n i shld be used 2 change by
now. but jack the mngr never offered an alternative -
n somehow that's dignifying, haha. the space will turn gold n brown n hop w/
the usual fare. sunday evrythng costs a dollar. shh-
VIPs only. haha. oh, 4 all the stories and lessons i traded here. no longer
anonymous. no longer simple or nondescript. we'll see.
IT'S MAGIC TIME!!!
polls open at 6 a.m. vote early, vote in the midday, vote before polls close at 7 p.m., but be sure to vote!!!
party at sala
i coulda gone to this costume party at sala cafe but got lazy and started catching up on things i said i would do. i didn't have a costume and i refuse to go hunt for one!!! ahahahaha. but next year i might. i'd better, ahahaha. lotta and edwin'd kill me if i didn't, ahahahaha. besides... it's a chance to finally be that butterfly-winged catholic schoolgirl toting morningstar
i said i always wanted to be... ahahahahaha. ...
it's messy, but it works
Essence of a democracy
Tomorrow is your chance to fulfill your most basic duty to protect this democracy.
Go out and vote.
Do it because young men and woman are dying to spread the right to Iraq.
Do it because Afghan women exercised the right despite death threats. They gained the right because our young men and women also sacrificed for them.
Do it because there was a time when your great-grandmother couldn't.
Do it because, if you are black, there was a time when your parents couldn't.
Do it to honor the teachers who gave you the ability to read and make an informed choice.
Do it because you work everyday and want to protect what you earn.
Do it because there are ideals we inherited from our parents and religious leaders.
Do it because if you don't, someone else will decide the future of your county, your state and your nation.
Polls are open 6 a.m. to 7 p.m.
it's messy, but it works. decatur herald-news,
ya, i coulda included stuff by the chicago tribune, sun-times, daily herald, daily southtown, the springfield state journal-register, the southern illinoisan. i might, while i make my rounds. the smaller newspapers usually make more sense because they know exactly who they're writing to.
who am i writing to in this blogspot?
you, silly. ahahaha ;-P. ...
l'état de balançoire
ahahahaha... that's literally "the swing state" in french. what a horrid translation.
i wanna be in milwaukee right now. oh, what i would give to be in a city that goes one mind now, the other the next. it makes for delicious story fodder. both kerry and bush landed in milwaukee earlier today for one last hurrah. chicago and illinois are traditionally democrat, and i won't be suprised if most democratic candidates take this city and this state. i won't be suprised if tomorrow kerry takes this state. but wisconsin, michigan, ohio? oh la la. the newsrooms in those states must be hoppin mad. you won't wanna make a call to those states. you leave those states alone, they're trying to catch up with politico copy and photo and edit.
today, i'll have something real to eat and then off to caribou coffee i go.
today, i'll take it easy because i've yet to solidify my choice for people to run the public offices that hopefully will service me in the next four years.
today, i wrote a poem for my dad coz tomorrow also happens to be all soul's day. today, as my godmother's asserted, is all saint's day. don't reel in depression early coz it shadows you always anyways. heehee!
today begins november, one of the dreariest months in my reckoning. temperatures are to plummet like chunks of melting iceberg breaking from the motherchunk, floating on their own or sinking into sea. i am soooooooo glad i have a new trench coat, a burberry
like check pattern in pink. oh la la! i realize that if you don't find the right kinna clothes, H&M
will make you look like a hanger. ahahaha.