ulanmaya
20040719
  expectations
we've finally made the move
and exhausted we let go of packages,
boxes, containers, moving equipment;
sent away the relatives and friends
who've insisted on helping out,
sent away the moving van with tips
for everyone. we've closed the front door
and, silent on the couch, watched sunset
in the new apartment strewn with every
imaginable article meant to make
our lives better. but the only thing i can
think of is my racing heart and how
day in and day out it'll be like this
between us from now on, and i shove
panic down my throat because i fervently
hope to keep intact your expectations
of what life might be like here with me,
after all the talk and the exchange and
the arguments and the compromises.
i worry for i remember asking out loud,
"are you happy?"
for isn't that what we first set out to do,
why we moved way out here and why we
separated ourselves from the rest of the
world, just so we could find out if we're
truly each other's irreplaceable puzzle piece -

you stand from the couch,
stride to the kitchen counter,
take a moment,
"yes, i am," you said, after a pause,
and turn around, and face me, smiling.
i let fall the space between us, a chasm.
 
i won't tell you this, my habit of
remaining unconvinced,
maybe it's just nothing.
maybe it's just nothing after all.
 
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