boo. [ click here ]

i hate it when strangers find out things about me before i even get a chance to. i hate any anonymous or unfamiliar thing that tells me that they have dominion over me, or that they know me better than i know myself.

it's different with friends, though - that i don't mind, in fact i crave friends who aren't afraid of telling me that i'm wrong about certain things, or that they have secrets they want to tell me, or that they have discoveries they want to share with me.

but for this story? this "saturn return"? ionno. i'm not sure. maybe i'm just bucking the truth by my irreverence and that laughing at everything's my defense mechanism. i know i always DON'T want to deal with issues because there won't be anyone to help me sort them out after the dust settles.

but then again, maybe i'm just being bitter like that. sometimes when i let my thoughts wander during the long bus and train rides to downtown chicago or suburban evanston, i realize that i need to let people into my life more often, that i have to "unclench" a bit more - because it can be intimidating, when you appear busy but actually are just waiting for someone to prod you awake, touch you silly, smile at you real, "hey," they can say.

¶ 7/20/2004 11:28:00 PM