flitting i hate this moment in time.

i had just come from a really good final class on j.m. coetzee, and of course like all normal middle days of the week, i barely have time to absorb everything that happened in class. i can complain about the one blog i was able to produce on him, in that class, but i should focus instead on the days ahead when i could carve out some time to study him further.

like everyone else, i am at work right now, and i feel my mind peel away from coetzee. it's annoying and painful, ahaha. like burrowing into comfortable bedsheets only to be wrenched suddenly away because of deadlines and appointments you need to keep to keep your life rolling.

isn't that ironic - that for once, you are shown that which you really like and love for a time, but you can't delve into it as much as you want because you have to make a living, so you can invest time later to fully attention to it later? why can't things be lived in real time anymore? like, when you want something, you're given it NOW, and not just for a moment, but for a worthwhile, a good long while, until you say you tire of it?

ah well. enough of this. i'm spent, ahaha. i should remember, like elizabeth costello, that i shouldn't indulge in great and painful epiphanies - i risk overextending myself to vacuity.
  ¶ 8/19/2004 03:51:00 PM