20040825
platonic spying
wow... it appears that a lot more people read this blog of mine than i thought! ahahaha... i should be more careful what i write then.
oh, but why stop the juicy details just coz i learned of spies and ghosts lurking. :silly: thanks for reading!!! i'm feeling all spoiled and flattered. hope i keep y'alls entertained and y'alls won't get bored. heehee!
and no, unlike most wretched girlie girls, i don't mind comments. i want 'em all!!! :evil: ahaha. anyways. here's my current story:
an old friend of mine left me eprops at my xanga site. he's totally not the type to leave any sort of reaction on anything that i've ever said or done. he's another one of 'em supersmart, super popular, trophyesque guys who'll string you along once they learn your weaknesses, but only coz it's fun. they've no ill intentions at all intended.
of course, it only took me half a decade to realize that, ahaha. i've long gotten over any feelings i have for him coz i learned i liked him better as a friend - things are a lot more fun between us and other people around us if i shed my expectations, and i learned i feel freer that way. he's one of those types you know are better for you as a friend than as something else. the "something else" becomes creepy. ahaha. anyways. if you don't know what i mean, forget it. you'll learn soon enough. and i'm here for you, babe. AHAHA.
so on a whim tonight i decide to hop online and check my usual sites, and whoa of all mama miracles, he signs my xanga. immediately i know something is up, but of course with the way i vented on my xanga, i like to think that he's only really concerned about me.
he lives in houston. our last IM was the week of my birthday - i asked him if he were also the token filipino in his office, and he said ya, but he won't bring something for his colleagues to eat just coz it's his birthday. of course i had no clue why in the world he preferred selfishness over giving someone else to eat. and since we were both at work, this IM session progressed into broken laughing tirades that ended up open-ended. i knew then that we'd be fine as friends and that it'd be fine for one to give the other a sign of life once in a blue moon while.
like today. in his xanga he says his baby is due in february. and we're all like
BABY?!
ahahahahahaha! ahahahaha... seriously. because this man confessed something else to me years and years ago... eons ago... lifetimes ago... about another secret that i knew he told only me. and like 2.5 other people. our guarantee was that if someone else knew aside from the very few he told, he'd immediately knew from who that new person knew the story from. ya, it was one of 'em hostage guarantees.
is that a good thing? i don't know. all i know's the secret's one event that turned us into friends. even right now, i can't see how things could have turned out differently, the way our friendship was forged, i mean.
i choose not to give details now, but i think you can imagine this type of friendship i'm talking about - the hostage guarrantee. the checkmate. the friends with conditions, versus unconditional. it could have progressed to the marked moves and revenges and betrayals, but that it didn't is one thing that i truly thank God for.
his xanga post just now is more meaningful because he knows that this complex knot of checkmates is the one real story i have with him. i choose there not to have any more stories, with him or most people. i don't know why i'm like that, but at least right now i can see how dangerous that could be. i just want to keep things simple, and because i know the type of person he is and is still capable of becoming, i made sure to distance myself.
he's one of those capable of engulfing your life people. it's one of those i want my own life things.
and now he's having a baby?! doesn't that seal up all relationships? isn't that some sort of boundary marker, a crystal clear marker that any further complications you both can dream up has to now END?
yes it is. the person capable of swallowing up your life seemingly... finally... as of this blogpost... was finally given a life of his very own to live.
that is, if he indeed is now slated to become a father. :silly: - i like to think and plan things ahead. and if that's true, i am genuinely proud of and happy for him. i hope he is, becomes, for once, selfishly happy. he deserves it as much as anyone. :-)
¶ 8/25/2004 04:53:00 AM
oh, but why stop the juicy details just coz i learned of spies and ghosts lurking. :silly: thanks for reading!!! i'm feeling all spoiled and flattered. hope i keep y'alls entertained and y'alls won't get bored. heehee!
and no, unlike most wretched girlie girls, i don't mind comments. i want 'em all!!! :evil: ahaha. anyways. here's my current story:
an old friend of mine left me eprops at my xanga site. he's totally not the type to leave any sort of reaction on anything that i've ever said or done. he's another one of 'em supersmart, super popular, trophyesque guys who'll string you along once they learn your weaknesses, but only coz it's fun. they've no ill intentions at all intended.
of course, it only took me half a decade to realize that, ahaha. i've long gotten over any feelings i have for him coz i learned i liked him better as a friend - things are a lot more fun between us and other people around us if i shed my expectations, and i learned i feel freer that way. he's one of those types you know are better for you as a friend than as something else. the "something else" becomes creepy. ahaha. anyways. if you don't know what i mean, forget it. you'll learn soon enough. and i'm here for you, babe. AHAHA.
so on a whim tonight i decide to hop online and check my usual sites, and whoa of all mama miracles, he signs my xanga. immediately i know something is up, but of course with the way i vented on my xanga, i like to think that he's only really concerned about me.
he lives in houston. our last IM was the week of my birthday - i asked him if he were also the token filipino in his office, and he said ya, but he won't bring something for his colleagues to eat just coz it's his birthday. of course i had no clue why in the world he preferred selfishness over giving someone else to eat. and since we were both at work, this IM session progressed into broken laughing tirades that ended up open-ended. i knew then that we'd be fine as friends and that it'd be fine for one to give the other a sign of life once in a blue moon while.
like today. in his xanga he says his baby is due in february. and we're all like
BABY?!
ahahahahahaha! ahahahaha... seriously. because this man confessed something else to me years and years ago... eons ago... lifetimes ago... about another secret that i knew he told only me. and like 2.5 other people. our guarantee was that if someone else knew aside from the very few he told, he'd immediately knew from who that new person knew the story from. ya, it was one of 'em hostage guarantees.
is that a good thing? i don't know. all i know's the secret's one event that turned us into friends. even right now, i can't see how things could have turned out differently, the way our friendship was forged, i mean.
i choose not to give details now, but i think you can imagine this type of friendship i'm talking about - the hostage guarrantee. the checkmate. the friends with conditions, versus unconditional. it could have progressed to the marked moves and revenges and betrayals, but that it didn't is one thing that i truly thank God for.
his xanga post just now is more meaningful because he knows that this complex knot of checkmates is the one real story i have with him. i choose there not to have any more stories, with him or most people. i don't know why i'm like that, but at least right now i can see how dangerous that could be. i just want to keep things simple, and because i know the type of person he is and is still capable of becoming, i made sure to distance myself.
he's one of those capable of engulfing your life people. it's one of those i want my own life things.
and now he's having a baby?! doesn't that seal up all relationships? isn't that some sort of boundary marker, a crystal clear marker that any further complications you both can dream up has to now END?
yes it is. the person capable of swallowing up your life seemingly... finally... as of this blogpost... was finally given a life of his very own to live.
that is, if he indeed is now slated to become a father. :silly: - i like to think and plan things ahead. and if that's true, i am genuinely proud of and happy for him. i hope he is, becomes, for once, selfishly happy. he deserves it as much as anyone. :-)
¶ 8/25/2004 04:53:00 AM
