memory from the back of my mind when i went to los angeles for a youth group conference, people from all races represented. i don't think anyone felt isolated at all.

i remember attending the same type conference in 2001, july of that year. it was in dallas. i can see why people like it there - the heat is dry heat, not humid, and i was spared the headaches some people say they got coz of the heat. the locals were hospitable and the university of texas at dallas campus easy to navigate. but it was hot enough that chocolate left forgotten in car trunks melted.

we were walking from the cafeteria to the conference venue when we heard a strange sound coming from behind us. "pssst!"

i stopped chatting midsentence and went out loud, "what's that?"

"psssssssst!"

my friend and i started chatting again, thinking it came from somewhere else.

"pssssssssssssssssssssssssst!" and then some laughing.

"what's that?" i finally said, irritated. i looked back and saw a group of our friends from seattle walking further, slower behind a group of caucasian girls walking behind us. they seattlites seemed to assess the situation. the girls laughed hysterically and walked faster to pass us.

"cleveland," i said, and some of them immediately shut up, while my friend said, "hey! how are you! good bye!"

cleveland is the one city with a branch of our youth group that's all white, their entire membership at that time were caucasian. it was a group that leaders singled out one time during the seattle conference in 2000 - they were singled out because the leaders wanted to point out to everyone how important their presence was to the youth group.

the youth group wants non-filipinos. they're a group touting christianity, particularly the catholic kind - an idea that, in a perfect world, includes everyone. if you saw it clearly, i was taught once, there's no way it could possibly exclude anyone, or make them feel excluded.

ah, but the world may be perfect, the ideas may be flawless, but the people who're charged with living them sure aren't. in an effort to give the community a chance, this past summer i roadtripped with the older group - 16 hours in a van from chicago to new jersey. we haven't yet left indiana when i snapped at the driver, who's also supposed to be one of the higher-ups, "you know, you have really good ideas. but they're totally not for me, so you'd better just stay away."

kinna frustrating that the first psssts from those white girls all goes full circle with this leader, who's also caucasian. i refuse to visit canada right now because i don't feel comfortable around my cousin's caucasian husband. the only place i really feel comfortable hanging out with "other" people's my office!

i'm beginning to think that much still has yet to be done with the race relations with not just filipinos, but the "others" that we encounter as well. i'm sure joining an all-filipino faith community sets off warning bells of all incomprehensible sorts in their head as well, from time to time.

i can just hear friends go, "oh, baby. it is hella about time you woke up. welcome to humanity."

then again, i've also heard it said before that if your faith really did matter, the way you see color won't.   ¶ 11/12/2004 02:29:00 PM